If I were to tell you the story of my loves and losses, it would be pages of idealisms, rants & rages.  I would look much like the village idiot in retrospect.  You know, for not knowing better, for not seeing the obvious, etc.  But I wouldn’t trade my journey even though I’d like to forget some of it…These are the songs I relied on to get me through the journey, to motivate me to take the next step, and to enjoy where I was at the moment.  It’ll give you an accurate picture without the idealism rants & rages of my loves and losses.  Plus, you may remember some of these old gems.

Dizzy – Tommy Roe   DIZZY – TOMMY ROE 1969.

I met my first husband in 1970…I was 14 years old and I was listening to Tommy Roe and his hit song, “Dizzy”  The only “dating” I had done was in my imagination.  I wasn’t supposed to date until I turned 16.  When I turned 15 and started taking drivers training, he drove more than 10 miles from his home town to mine to drive me home from my drivers training class. I was getting pressured on both sides….my parents didn’t want me to see him….he wanted a lot more than I was capable of!  I was dizzy!

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Top Of The World – The Carpenters02 Top Of The World

Finally I was 16 and able to date.  The Carpenters were topping the charts and I loved them.  Still do.  I still chuckle when I think of my parents yelling from the other room to “turn that crap off”  Really?  The Carpenters?  Dating wasn’t all I imagined it to be…I never saw him that much, but I had a huge class ring and he was the big man on the opposing basketball team and everybody seemed to know it.

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Sandra – Barry Manilow  09 Sandra

So I’m 17, married and pregnant.  I don’t need to give you all the details here, but in 1973 and you’re a “good girl” – you just get married.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, they are “my best work”, but teenage marriages just don’t work.  So this song, is a deep deep track on a Barry Manilow Album that was such an unusual song for the time.  It’s a sad, sad “story song” about a young woman that got married very young

“She says I swear I love my husband, I love my kids 
I wanted to be like my mother 
But if I hadn’t done it as soon as I did 
Oh there might have been time to be me 
For myself, for myself 
There’s so many things that she wishes 
She don’t even know what she’s missin’ 
And that’s how she knows that she missed.”

While all the other songs of that era were talking about love, sex and rock and roll, this one talked to me….

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I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor  2-20 I Will Survive

It was inevitable, I just needed the courage.  My first husband was physically abusive, illusive as a father and emotionally cruel.  I asked my mother about getting out and she said, “you’ll never find another man to love you”.  I just wanted to survive at that point.  My “Divorce Song” was “I will survive” by Gloria Gaynor. It also became my mantra.

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Hooked on Classics – Royal Philharmonic Orchestra  The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra – Hooked On Classics Parts 1

Finally, finding my own groove, I get into running and I establish a career.  We still haven’t discovered the joys of 1,000 songs in your pocket on your tiny iPod, we’re all carrying around big clunky walkman’s or even (gasp) discman.  Music wasn’t nearly as portable as it is now.  Hooked on classics offered a extended play walking tape and I liked it.  It was the era of Jane Fonda’s workout tapes.  So here I am in a new relationship with a much older man.  It’s rocky, really rocky.  But we work on it..ok, I work on it.  We live together and eventually get married.  The judge that married us tells our best man he gives it a year.  It actually lasted 10 years (but only the first one was any good).

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Hold On – Wilson Philips  01 Hold On

For the last two years of this marriage I relied on Wilson Phillips “Hold On”.  That entire album became my “go to” running favorite.  It also became my mantra.  I thought, I can’t leave…I just did all that landscaping….I can’t leave, my son will think I’m a two time loser…I can’t leave…I don’t want to want to do this alone….oh wait, I AM alone!  Just Hold On.

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I Saw The Sign – Ace of Base  04 The Sign

Then I got a new favorite running song, “I Saw The Sign” by Ace of Base, this replaced my old mantra too.  My son and soon to become Ex Husband (you knew where this was going, right?)  got into a physical dust up and that was my “sign”.  We never really became a family, there was always a division…My husband and I….and My kids and I.  It was that physical altercation, when the internal “mama bear” said enough is enough.  My daughter was already living in her own apartment, so I asked my son “What would you think if you and I were to move out and get our own apartment?”  His response was so surprising….He was thankful, grateful, ready to go.  We both saw the sign.

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First Time Love – Livingston Taylor  02 First Time Love 1

After a couple of years of living on my own and thinking my best choice was just to learn how to be happy alone.  I met Mr. Right.  Of course I was with Lee. The story of how we met is one that I’ll save for later to give it justice, but I always think of “First Time Love” by Livingston Taylor as an apt description to my third marriage…the words do it justice.

“And it’s first time love making your heart beat
Second time love making it stop
Finally love picks you up from the bottom
And leads you home some how.”

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Everybody Eats When They Come To My House – John Lithgow  01 Everybody Eats When They Come To My House

Besides a laundry list of great attributes, one of the things I appreciate most about my husband is he has accepted my children, my grandchildren as his children and grandchildren.  When he talks to people about “his” kids, I still take note.  When he tells stories about “his” grandkids, I am smiling right down to my toes.  We love good food and we love having those faces at our dinner table.  Several years ago John Lithgow put out a children’s album. It’s got a very big band sound to it.  We listen to it even when the kids aren’t around.  When we’re all around the dinner table you’re apt to hear a chorus of “Everybody Eats When They Come to My House”  01 Everybody Eats When They Come To My House

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If you have kids or grandkids you’re going to want the entire album…

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