a middleSage publication

Where are my middle aged friends….my tribe?

Where are my middle aged friends….my tribe?

Seth Godin argues the Internet has ended mass marketing and revived a human social unit from the distant past: tribes. Founded on shared ideas and values, tribes give ordinary people the power to lead and make big change.  I heard the term “tribes” used recently on a couple of TV programs (no, not National Geographic) and it made me think about how we use this word.

In my early years, there were “clicks” throughout my school years, Either I belonged to some, longed to belong to some or just looked at them like aliens from another planet.

Then I develop into the career version of me.  There were still the different groups that you didn’t cross into….Clerical hung with the other Clerical people, Management clustered with other Management.  Sometimes (I’m showing my age here) it was a matter of gender.  Always an “exclusivity” to finding the right fit.

For a time, It seemed  my social interactions were mainly with people either I or my husband worked with, or even parents of the children my children played with.

Then there were the “proximity” friends.  Those that lived on my block and were handy to be friends with.

I had a “gaggle” of girl friends for years, but age, wisdom & moving around the country has changed our relationship….and sometimes you just have to clean house of those that are toxic or just requiring too much energy to maintain.

Cohorts could be used to describe my pals now, but as I watched Seth’s presentation on “The Tribes we lead”, I thought Tribes might just be the best description of my fellow middle-aged woman.  Many of us have traveled the same journey to get here.  Do you belong to our tribe?

Members of my “Tribe” are women who

  • Used to think they could have it all, now realize there’s no where to put it
  • Want to retire and do something different, something meaningful but we don’t want to move to africa and save a village
  • Raised their kids and now are only needed for the occasional recipe of “Grandma’s Spaghetti” and babysitting services
  • Hate the women who wear the “Red Hats”
  • Read the Fifty Shades Series, but think the Characters need a good therapist and the women who are “turned on” by the books are a little fucked up too
  • Feel invisible at times
  • Love the energy of women half my age, but hate hearing sentences that start with “that’s what my mom says”
  • Feel like I have something to offer, I’m not done yet and I want to leave a legacy other than my children
  • Think Erma Bombeck’s advice was sound; “The grass really is greener over the septic tank”!
  • Love technology, but would like it to be a little bit easier to get a human being on the phone
  • Have lost contact with more people than they can count
  • Thought they married to their best friends until they realized best friends know a lot more than their husbands
  • Are too experienced to work for somebody else and too tired to build another Empire
  • Aren’t old, but are sometimes shocked when we look in the mirror….it just doesn’t match how we feel
  • Fought really hard to prove women were equal to men and now just really appreciate having a door opened for me
  • Still wonder what to be when they grow up
  • Have taken on such male traits that we define ourselves by the work we do, how did that happen
  • Need a heartfelt connection with other women
  • Understand that like a garden, friends sometimes need to be weeded out of your life
  • Have a creative side they have not yet tapped into
  • Are searching for just HOW to tap into that creative side
  • Have a feeling that they are on the verge of next, biggest thing in their lives…..but can’t define what that is
  • Know we are stores of fabulous information: if we knew then what we know now, we could run the world…..the right way
  • Realize that most things that used to piss us off are now just an annoyance
  • Wonder how we are still so focused on weight, dieting and working out
  • Think if they have to cook one more chicken breast for dinner, they’ll run shrieking into the dark night
  • Are tired of the role in our households of the party planner, cruise director, and financial guru…..and wonder what in Gods name is wrong with husband/partners/boyfriends that they can’t plan a freaking event, vacation, weekend without being prompted
  • Want to tear their hair out because not once, in all the years we’ve know our husbands/partners/boyfriends, can they go to the damn grocery store without calling us with questions
  • Have become interested in family genealogy due probably to our age and the secret hope that we too will be remembered after we’re dead

Are you part of this “tribe”?

Do you find yourself at a stage in life when a little weeding of your longtime friends might be necessary?  And are you looking for a little more connection with women who really “get you”?

Do you have some “tribal characteristics” you’d like to add to our list?

Let’s Talk About it…


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