Everybody’s got a Story. Tell us yours!
Question #15: August 23, 2013
Tell us… What are you ashamed of?
Lee’s Story:
I had a really hard time coming up with an answer to this question. Mostly because I don’t dwell in the land of shame…I have enough other things to work on and shame is not one of them. Except for something I rarely admit to. And it makes me feel sheepish and embarrassed that I was a part of it. I voted for Bill Clinton. Not once. Twice. What was I thinking?
It’s not just that I voted for Clinton that sticks in my craw. I am truly ashamed of the women’s organizations that with all his philandering and lying to his wife, daughter and the American public not one women’s group stood up to call him out. There was no female organization’s voice anywhere as the media tried to villify the women he dallied with. There was no voice anywhere – except from his staunchest critics of which I became – to hold him accountable for his bullshit.
I was stunned at the abject silence from the women’s activist camps that had rallied behind Clinton to help him win the elections. I am ashamed that those of my gender, leading the battle cry for Clinton, stepped silently aside as the character of his “women” were systematically shredded. There was no outcry that it takes two to tango, no outcry that he was and is a liar, no outcry to make him take responsibility for his actions. There was no outcry at all.
I told you what I’m ashamed of…..what is YOUR story?
Barbara’s Story:
Ashamed? I’m kind of an open book…not a lot of secrets here. I’ve got enough mistakes, shortcomings and failures for a comedy tour.
I think the biggest thing that lurks in my mind as something I’m not proud of is when I haven’t been particularly kind to people. You know like being a “mean girl” in school. I’d like to undo that.
Tell someone you know about this:
Tags: everybody's got a story, middlesage, tell us, what are you ashamed of
This is painful to admit, but in the spirit of truthfulness…
There was a time when I was ashamed of my disabled child. The looks. The judgments (about her and me, as her mom). The unsolicited opinions. Feeling somehow responsible for her disability. It’s all very painful. Shame might not be quite the word I once felt, but it’s close.
She is now 17 years old with moderate cerebral palsy and the joy of my days. But, once…many moons ago…I was ashamed of her.
Kerith Stull recently posted…A Poem That Moved Me
Kerith – what you have just shared I would bet many people sometimes feel about the disabled, elderly, or infirm in our own families. Although the shame you may have felt was more than likely driven by outside forces it takes a HUGE person to talk about it. I’m sure the people reading your story who have dealt with the same issues have just breathed a collective sigh of relief to know that there is somebody else who has the same feelings. Thank you for your honesty and ability to share this story.
One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Wayne Dyer: If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
I had the same experience with my first born grandson….I used to buy him hats to hide his misshapen head. Kerith, your doing a great job educating people! I applaud you!
For a long time I carried shame because my family of origin was so f ucked up. Lots of verbal abuse, distant behavior and not speaking to each other. I assumed everyone else was the Cleavers. In fact, I have a blog post about this coming up. But other than that, I have never really been ashamed of anything. Also, I try really hard now not to judge. Unless we live in someone’s shoes, or someone lives in ours, it’s impossible to really to make a fair assessment. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes think “that person should be ashamed!” No, not perfect! LOL
Carol Cassara recently posted…Half Moon Bay afternoon
Carol – thank goodness, if we try hard enough, we’re able to move past the crap we experience growing up. I work on trying to to judge, or prejudge, and like you mine is also a work in process! Thank you for your story!
Carol, it always amazes me whenever I find out a woman I admire comes from a f**ked up family! I always thought I was the only one! Then I’m secretly glad to have the company… I know kinda of weird, we shouldn’t have had to go through it, but we did and it made us who we are…. Welcome soul sista!
What am I ashamed of? Well, here we go. I thought about your question and all my personal faults, failures and shortcomings—patience (or lack of) and weight quickly come to mind. There are many, but lately (I know I am opening up a can of worms) and ashamed to say it, but do I dare say it’s “my country, ” or perhaps more aptly stated, maybe it’s actually the behavior of “many” of my fellow countrymen. As an American, I couldn’t even imagine ever saying this—until now. Let me explain.
The political divide, the gridlock, the unwillingness to listen to one another and find a middle ground and the obsession to put personal gains and agendas ahead of the best interests of our country and fellow citizens is bad enough—but it’s not even that. What I find truly shameful is the disrespect and lack of civility. I’m not talking about expressing political differences on issues or peaceful protests; it’s okay to have differences on real issues. And no, I’m not talking about political correctness—it seems like every week someone is unnecessarily apologizing for some minor infraction, something taken out of context, something said or done decades ago or unintentional misfires with our “gotcha” political climate. I’ll even admit to having a special appreciation for tasteful, cleverly crafted comments to frame points of differences on positions. No, I’m talking about the overtly bad language, bad conduct and bad behaviors—the lack of common courtesy and basic good manners that seem to have evaded so many.
Singing “bye, bye black sheep…” during the President’s recent visit to AZ earlier this month, throwing a shoe at George W. Bush (yes, I realize it wasn’t an American that did it and as much as I didn’t much approve of his performance, I don’t condone the lack of respect or those who found it acceptable either), calling college student Sandra Fluke a “slut” before the entire nation, two “indignant” Miami Dolphin Super Bowl Champion players declining the long overdue honor of a White House invitation this week over political differences (they were denied the honor of a visit when they won three decades ago due to Watergate), political adversary’s booing George Bush at his ’04 SOU address, Boehner telling Reid to “Go fuck yourself.”, Joe Wilson’s “You lie!” outburst at Obama’s SOU address. It’s endless and it disgusts me.
It wasn’t always that way. In fact, we have a statue of Republican President Ford outside of his Presidential Museum in downtown Grand Rapids (a replica of one in the U.S. Capitol Rotunda). Inscribed under it is the quote “God has been good to America, especially during difficult times. At the time of the Civil War, he gave us Abraham Lincoln. And at the time of Watergate, he gave us Gerald Ford—the right man at the right time who was able to put our nation back together again.” It is a quote by then Speaker of the House, Tip O’Neill. A Democrat.
The way I try to conduct myself is a reflection of how my parents raised me and I can’t help but think, “What’s wrong with people today? How the hell were all these people raised? How did it get like this?” The very public “in the gutter” dialog full of vile rhetoric, insults and the disrespectful, uncivil conduct that has overtaken common decency in this country makes me ashamed and it’s happening way often now to rationalize that it’s “just a few” any longer. I hope it’s just temporary—along with my feelings. Like I said, it wasn’t always that way. And it’s unacceptable. The point of my post isn’t intended to discuss politics or ideologies, it about behaviors. There. I said it. I’m off my soapbox for today. And long winded again. Sorry.
Dick –
you are preaching to the choir. What has happened to agreeing to disagree? I wonder the same things..how were these people raised? Where have our sense of civility and manners gone? Why are we so intolerant and unable or unwilling to accept an opinion or position differing from our own?
There is such a disconnect between common courtesy and how our society seems to be functioning. Or actually malfunctioning. I remember the FCC’s rules and regs for broadcasters depended upon what was acceptable in and to society. I’ve watched the erosion of the regulations because our society deems crass, degrading, profane words to now be acceptable to broadcast at just about any time of day, regardless to the age of the viewer or listener.
I’m just not sure when the rights of the individual trumped the rights of the whole and we traded our civility and respect for an anything goes society. It’s a great response to the question. Thank you for being open and honest and real. hugs.
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