Everybody’s got a Story. Tell us yours!
Question #8: August 14, 2013
Tell us… What is the best advice some gave you that you actually followed?
Lee’s Story:
Thank goodness I’ve had people in my life who have at times given me some profoundly simple, yet important advice. The one I’ve learned the most from was from my Nana….
Nana and I were very close. We would sit on her back porch, have a cigarette – when we all smoked – and listen to the birds which is how I learned to identify their songs. (This has nothing to do with the advice, but it IS a lovely memory…) Anyway..at some point I was talking about “this person said this, that person said/did that, I said/did this….” Nana looked at me and said “You don’t have to tell everything you know.”
I looked at her not sure if she was telling me I was acting like a know it all and said, “What?” Her response was, ” You don’t have to tell everything you know. Keep people’s confidences. You don’t need to tell everything you know because people don’t need to know everything.” Thinking back to a month prior when I’d shared something I shouldn’t have, hurt somebody’s feelings and created an emotional mess for that person, I sat and thought about the advice, I responded Yep, you’re right.”
I frequently look back to that conversation, and that I took Nana’s advice to heart, and realize that is has saved me, and others, unnecessary heartache.
What’s the best advice somebody gave me? “Don’t tell everything you know.”
What about YOU? What’s the best advice somebody gave you? Can’t wait to hear!
Barbara’s Story:
You don’t grow up in a house like mine without spending a lot of money on therapy. I went through a lot of therapists through the years.
My mother… divorces (2 of them)…a terminally ill first grandson.
It wasn’t until I was mid life and looking back over my history of broken relationships could I see a pattern. I was always mystified why the people I THOUGHT should love and support me didn’t.
After many sessions, the therapist looked me square in the eye and said “you just need to stop going to the hardware store for milk”! I looked at her quizzically and she said “look you KNOW the response you’re always going to get from your mother. You’re not going to get what you need. So it’s your fault….you keep going to the wrong place for the love and support you need….we all need love and support in our lives and it’s upsetting when you don’t get what you need.
Love and support…It’s just like milk…you need it in the house. The trouble is you just passed 5 stores that carry milk in order to go to a hardware store. A hardware store that doesn’t carry milk. When you ask for milk and they tell you they don’t carry milk….you’re upset.
Go to where the milk is!”
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Tags: advice you've taken, best advice, everybody's got a story, middlesage, tell us
I’ve gotten lots of advice in my life from wise grandparents, parents, friends and more, but the one thing that has really stuck with me and become my motto in life was when I was fired from a job in college for rebutting my boss’s sexual advances (this was before we knew we could actually do something about these things). One of my co-workers who had become a good friend said to me “Just remember – what goes around, comes around.” While not necessarily concrete advice, those words have kept me afloat during especially difficult times, and nearly always prove to be true.
Sharon Greenthal recently posted…Summer Reading – Under the Radar Books
Sharon – I give you credit for not clocking him! Idiot. I hope his wife eventually kicked him to the curb since most of those guys always seem to be married. To quote the cowardly lion…”ain’t the truth!”
As the mother of a 17yo daughter with moderate cerebral palsy, I am battered with advice from all angles…from doctors, therapists, support groups, teachers, school administrators, other special needs parents, and even from friends and family!
The best (most universal) advice I received was when my daughter was about two and half years and learning to walk.
“Let her fail!” her occupational therapist told me (a professional who helped my daughter’s fine motor skills — her hands)
Fail? No way! I wanted to save her from all trials and all troubles!
Her therapist reminded me how my oldest daughter learned to walk — by falling down on her diapered bottom MANY times. So… I held back my natural tendencies and let my younger, disabled daughter fall AND fail.
Experience and failure has been her best teacher.
Kerith Stull recently posted…Memoir Update
Kerith, I can so relate to this advice….got the same advice from one of the therapists I saw…We were talking after the session and she said “You’ve certainly had your share of struggles in your life….but I’ve got to say all those hard times are probably what helped you turn out to be really amazing!” I thought how cool…a compliment from a therapist. That’s when she leveled this gem on me…”So…tell me why do you want to rob your daughter of that opportunity?”
Kerith – we all need to learn to let our kids fail. That’s the only way they learn to pick themselves up and get on with life. Too many people try to avoid such profound life learning experiences that in real life, their kids don’t know how to cope. I’m sure it was hard, but it was a good choice. Thank you for sharing you story with us.
I have two:
My college roommate used to say, “This too, shall pass.” At the time, the old adage was used when something we perceived as ‘negative’ was happening in our lives. Now…that phrase comes to mind when I am experiencing positive OR negative times. It all passes…things change…people come and go. Embrace it all NOW…because, “This too, shall pass.”
The second piece of advice came from the male principal in our school. I was the guidance counselor and one day he said, “Don’t take it so personally.” It didn’t make much sense to me at the time (as co-dependent as I was)…but over the years I have come to realize there was much wisdom in his words.
Sue, two pieces of advice I wish I would have gotten years ago. Embracing this really has been life changing!
Sue – that’s an interesting perspective because it true but we usually only think of that as the negative passing. I’ve always said life is about balance. If it goes one way it’s gonna go another!